Many years ago, while I was getting ready for bed, an animal story that was near the end of a news broadcast caught my attention.
Scarlett, a scraggly stray cat, was found saving her four-week-old kittens from a fire in her home, an abandoned garage in Brooklyn, New York. She used up most of her nine lives returning to the burning building to carry each of her five loved ones to safety. The firefighter who discovered her, burned and almost blinded, was amazed as he watched Scarlett tap her chin on each of the kitten’s singed heads to be sure all had been rescued.
There’s a Scarlett in everyone
Apparently, I was not the only one touched and inspired by her courage. While Scarlett and her brood recovered in an animal hospital, over 6,000 offers to adopt the cat and her kittens poured in from all over the country.
We’ve all heard real life stories of ordinary human beings, like this common feline, who, in difficult situations, possess the strength and tenacity to do extraordinary things. Although Scarlett was driven by instinct, given similar circumstances, most of us would likely act in the same way. Bold actions would replace any momentary fear and we’d do what’s necessary.
What is courage?
We are being courageous when we muster up the ability to do something despite the risk. Though it is a part of our everyday lives, few people admit to being courageous, believing it to be a trait associated mainly with exceptional risks and heroic deeds. It doesn’t have to be dramatic, brazen or fearless. Sometimes it looks more like commitment and perseverance. It can be quiet and determined.
Courage plays a role in everything we do, even when we aren’t conscious of it. I believe that it takes personal courage to express our true feelings, to believe in our ideas, or to face what we fear. It is an act of courage to make brave choices and take risks, to say no, to make changes in our life—big and small. When faced with pain and adversity, just showing up or getting out of bed in the morning may be courageous. We demonstrate the courage to persevere after the loss of loved ones. Living alone after a divorce, starting a new career, asking our boss for a raise, even speaking to a stranger in an elevator requires a measure of courage. Courage teaches us and helps us to grow, learn and stretch beyond our boundaries. Here are three stories of courage:
Meet Helen: Artist Helen McLean displayed courage when at age 50, she left her family and moved to a small town to paint. “I was an artist pretending to be a housewife and I knew I had to stop postponing my dreams. I just didn’t want to give any more dinner parties.” “Initially, I was lonely, but by spring I knew what direction my life would take from then on.” After a year Helen returned home with enough work for her first solo art exhibition.
Meet Stephen:Initially panicked when asked to take over the helm of the Starlight Children’s Foundation, an organization he had been involved with since the loss of his daughter, Stephanie. Stephen Burns thought, “what do I know about running anything? How could I possibly run the whole show?” Then courage crept in through the back door. “I looked into my heart and knew I had to do it. The things that scare you are always the best to do.” Stephen understood that the demons we fear are often worse in our imagination.
Meet Efinka: Imagine chopping veggies and cutting meat for your catering business with only one functional hand. Courage propelled Efinka Sova to pursue her dream despite her disability. Born with Erb’s Palsy after a difficult birth, Efinka learned to adapt as a young girl. “My parents instilled in me to never give up. I went into the army, got married and had three kids. I never had a nanny, I bathed them and changed their diapers myself!”
When she contemplated leaving her admin job to pursue a catering career, fearful thoughts crept in. “Will people pay? How will I market myself? Can I cope with long hours? Will people judge my competence by looking at my hand?” But the voice in her head prevailed, saying, “You can do this!” “My passion for food plus a large measure of family encouragement was bigger than any doubts I had”.
Dr. Elaine Dembe is a health and wellness practitioner in private practice for 45 years in Toronto. She is a Chiropractor and the author of 3 best-selling books. www.elainedembe.com
4 ways to be a courageous caregiver
Define what you stand for: When you are clear of what’s important to you it’ll be easier to prioritize your caregiving tasks. You’ll feel more capable and accomplished to act in the way you’d like to when the opportunity arises.
Accept the mistakes: Learning and personal growth is rooted in accepting our failures and figuring out how to move forward. Don’t expect to be a perfect caregiver all the time.
Label your actions: Identify and celebrate your individual, everyday caregiving acts that are day-to-day brave and remind yourself of situations where you have shown courageous behaviour.
Don’t give up: Keep trying when you have a goal in mind. When you stay positive, you’ll bolster your confidence and find the energy to move forward to help your loved one.
Find heroes: Draw inspiration from others who represent share the same personal and community values as you. They can act as role models and idea generators on your caregiving journey.
