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Expert Advice

Nasty to caregivers

My wife and I were in a serious traffic accident a few years ago. I recovered almost 100% and went back to work after the pandemic. She has to use a wheelchair and needs personal care workers to look after her now. When I’m working from home she’s fine but, when I’m gone, she’s rude and un-cooperative. Any suggestions?

Try figuring out the cause. Is she sad, bored, frustrated? Is care delivered differently in your absence. Carers should be respectful but firm: ‘Let’s keep it professional,’ or ‘I don’t feel comfortable’. Sometimes an activity or a  personnel change makes a difference. 

Making arrangements

What is advanced care planning? Does it mean getting organized for the future when someone is dying. Should I be doing that for myself. I live alone now.

It’s always a good idea to think ahead. Advance Care Planning is the timely process of reflecting on your values and wishes. Its purpose is to let others know what kind of health and personal care you would want in the future if you were unable to speak for yourself. This site is helpful for all Canadians. It has a basic workbook and detailed information. Visit:  advancecareplanningontario.ca

New and nervous

I’ve never been a caregiver before but my younger brother, who works full time and has a family, wants me to care for my parents. I work part-time and I’m single. It will mean selling my condo and moving in with them. What I’m worried about is the fact that there’s no turning back if it doesn’t work out.

That’s a big ask. Firstly, if you need to say no, don’t’ feel guilty. Work with your brother to find an alternate solution. If you will consider, confirm everyone’s needs and expectations beforehand. We recommend an assessment and a future care plan via their family doctor. Think about finances, home maintenance, time off as well. Try a trial period to “test the waters”. 

What’s involved here?

A neighbour has asked me to serve as a health care proxy. What should I expect and what would I be responsible for?

A health care proxy, is trusted person who makes health care decisions on the person’s behalf when they are unable to communicate. The proxy may act generally or on a formal health care directive outlining treatments and preferences. The person may ask to be kept comfortable and free from pain but with no use of life prolonging efforts or equipment. They may have a do-not-resuscitate order if their heart stops beating. Visit virtualhospice.ca for more info.

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